Saturday, February 13, 2010

Life Is Interesting

To be honest; life is painful. Almost every night I have a dream about my ex that consumes me throughout the day. I worry about him finding me. I dream about him showing up at my kids' school and taking them away from me. I live in fear most of the time. My stomach is in constant knots and sometimes I feel like my kids would be better off elesewhere simply because I fear what will happen if they are with me. I wonder when this fear will ever go away.

I don't care what happens to me, I just want them to be safe.....


  1. Oh Kristen, I am so very sorry...I can't even imagine living with that kind of terror. It goes beyond just "fear," don't you think?

    I know you have committed your girls to the Lord, so trust that they are safe in His loving care, no matter what.

    I will be praying for that spirit of fear to be bound and removed from you. What a burden to bear...You should at least be able to find peace in your sleep. (((hugs)))

  2. Why have you never told me this? I am sad to hear that he occupies your subconscious to this level.

    Psalm 16:1, Psalm 16:9b, Psalm 34:4, Psalm 34:17-19, Psalm 37:5-8, Psalm 43:5, Psalm 46:10a, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 68:19, Psalm 121, Psalm 138:7-8, Psalm 139:23, Proverbs 3:24 (February, 1989).

    No wonder you are always tired.

  3. I enjoyed looking over your blog
    Great blog title
    God Bless you

  4. I am so sad that you are not only living day to day with such fear and worry, but are also dreaming about it. Continue to pray and rely on the Lord. I am glad you have your parents close by for support.

  5. No one should have to live like that. Praying for you that God will give you a peace that only He can do. Rest for your body and soul so that you can truly enjoy these days with your girls and not just survive them.

  6. Wow, what a tremendous burden to carry. I am so sorry, Kristen. If the worry is consuming you to such an extreme degree, perhaps you could find some help out there. I know there are some wonderful support groups for women who have been through what you have gone through. I can only imagine that the fear you are experiencing is common, given the circumstances. I hope you find some kind of help and that you will sometime soon be able to rest easy again. Praying for you.

  7. Id like to invite everyone to read a blog post today of a woman who joined the old order Mennonite church from the outside. I'm extremely lucky in publishing her very first, and most likely last post on Amish Stories. A lot of work was involved in her getting permission to be even able to write anything on the internet, and permission was given by her bishop. So please stop by and read about a woman who gave-up her car and other worldly possessions for the person that she loved. Richard from Amish Stories.